Maybe I Deserve.......

Currently listening to: Lloyd - "One For Me"


I'm still a little pissed that I've had Lloyd's "Street Love" album for years & just noticed this song the other day! My homie Lloyd is too slept on in this music shit! Coming out with Ja in the midst of his beef with Curtis set him back! But anyway, let me get to the fucking point of this post & stop rambling on about Lloyd. After some surprise conversations with a few of the homies, I realize that all niggas go through the same bullshit with women!(notice I didn't say bitches, I'm trying to refrain from that word these days) I remember when we were all young & it wasn't shit to worry about but playing ball & getting whatever hot game was out for PS1. Now niggas done matured & developed emotions & what not! I personally don't even want another nigga coming to me discussing his feelings about a female but I'm not even gonna turn a deaf ear to my homies so I'll listen & provide insight if need be. I don't even know why niggas ask me for advice anyway. Ask of any of them when was the last girlfriend that I had! Man if that chick didn't hit me up like 2 weeks ago I wouldn't even remember. Everyone deserves what they feel is essential to their own happiness. Noone should allow another to decitate to them what defines your emotional satisfaction. Everyone isn't meant to have the white fench, wife, 2.5 kids, & a dog. Find out what it is that completes you & attain that because in life the only person you have to worry about pleasing besides God is yourself. Everyone else's pleasure at your hands is secondary or at least thats how I see things. There are some very selfless people out there who put others before self but I'm not 1 of them. I respect anyone who takes that vantage point on life because thats a very noble way to live life. So to those few who follow my blog or anyone who randomly comes across these words, find what you deserve & treat yourself! If nobody has ever told you this then I'll be the 1st to do so, you deserve your peace!

Making The Cut.........

Currently listening to: Marques Houston feat. Joe Budden "Clubbin'"


So in the wake of certain events, I've decided to take a new approach in life. Instead of "focusing" my time & efforts on 1 female, I decided that I gather me an unofficial line-up. Now I've heard other dudes talk about their roster & thinking back on it I've always had 1 myself. Just a group of different females I communicate with for whatever reason. Now I'm mentally free of previous restraints that I placed upon myself I can really just rock the fuck out! Well maybe I should actually wait a while because I don't want any of these chicks thinking their getting a Christmas gift from me, lmao. On some real shit though, I've been partially starving myself socially & I got to bounce back. It's pretty refreshing to actually go out with females & not feel guilty or wish that they were somebody else for the time being. But the rotation is starting to come together for the near future so we shall see how things develop with these "players" on the roster. Most importantly, I'm upfront with all of them so nobody has any misconceptions about what the fuck is going down! I ain't fuckin' none of them so they can't get mad over no shit like that.... Just Sharif spending some time with a few female "friends" on different occasions. I'm still in my warmup suit doing the layup line before the game... wait till I snap these pants off!

Let It Loose.....

Currently listening to: Jay Electronica "Victory In My Clutches"


So I never actually really got an answer as to why the cream hasn't risen to the top for me(I know some people may wonder why I always talk in analogies) but I've also made a very difficult decision. I've decided against trying to figure it out any longer & just to move on. Now I'm a man so I'll admit that I've very hurt by this & by no means was it an easy decision for me to make. I'm actually still a little uneasy about this & I may even indeed be wrong for doing this. But as Hov once said "... in order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets ". I'm probably going to be pretty damn crabby for the near future but whoever doesn't like it can eat a dick! To be perfectly honest, I feel like I'm being a quitter & that idea does bother me to the upteenth power. Like I haven't quit anything in my adult life after I decided to stop going to college so its definitely been weeded out of my system acting in such a fashion. But it definitely takes a lot more strength to know when to let go of your obsessions when they are not particularly lightening the load you must carry. Now I must redirect my energy, attention, passion, etc. onto something else. What is that something else you may wonder?!? Well if you figure it out before me then holla at me & let me know cause I have no idea. But through it all, this is just another lesson in class of self perfection that I've been enrolled in for some time now. I'll end things on this note... " I don't know the key to success but I know the key to failure is trying to please everyone " - Bill Cosby, until next entry folks!

Black Or White......

Currently listening to: Wale feat. Jazsmine Sullivan "World Tour"


So the last time I posted a new blog I told myself that I would no longer do this but then I remembered why I do. Even though I'm a straight forward person, there are always something you just can't verbalize to people. So I log on here & just pour my soul in these entries for myself & whoever comes along to read them.
Now, I'm a person who likes to lay the specifics of any given situation out so there won't be any misconceptions between anybody. Sometimes that works in my favor & other times it doesn't. I know that I'm a spoiled dude & I'm not used to having things not work in my favor. That really grinds my gears & I always begin to rigorously critic myself. No matter what anyone tells me, I always examine myself after a failed attempt to do anything. Because I'm a firm believer in learning from your mistakes/shortcomings. So when I really can't piece together why I've come short of a goal I begin to get really irritable. As I lay down typing this entry, I reminisce of a contant shortcoming on my behalf. of course there are other factors involved in me falling short of the goal I set out to accomplish but at the end of the day I know its definitely something I could have done/be doing to change that fact. I'm very obsessive right now because it's not even about getting to where I want to be anymore but its more so about me figuring out why did I fall short in the 1st place. I pray that God reveals the answer to this burning question or at least points me in the right direction because I'm severely disturbed by this.