And This Christmas.....

Currently listening to: Rick Ross "We Shinin"


So yesterday was Christmas & I must say that it was probably the best 1 of my adult life thus far. It was my niece's 1st Christmas & even though she has a cold she enjoyed 1 of my gifts the most! She was tossing around those blocks like it was no tomorrow & to be honest that was hands down the best moment I've had this year. Almost made me want a lil kid of my own but then I snapped back to reality, lol. I'm good with being around other people's kids! My mother got me 1 of the most simple yet heartfelt gifts ever. Knowing that I adore Michael Jackson (yea I just said adore in reference to another man), she got me scrapbook of photos chronicling his life & career. Definitely the best gift I've gotten as an adult & I wish I could have saw my face when I opened it up. I felt just like a child again & she better enjoy her Wii fit package because we don't do out of shape in my family! Then later on in the evening, I got to spend some time with the homies. Like I always say you're kinda stuck with your family but you get to pick who your friends are. Spending holidays with friends is always a good time & I wouldn't trade it for the world. Shoutout to Lil Homie, G-Money, Tana, NovieStacks, 17, & all the other people I met that night. Yall niggas are fuckin hilarious & I will end with this.... GOLF IS NOT A FUCKIN'!! *NovieStacks voice* "Yo when a chick hop out the shower, sit on yo bed, & start paintin' her toesnails.... that shit sexy as hell!"

Maximum Capacity.......

Currently listening to: Young Money "Wife Beater"


So yesterday on twitter I watched some female followers squander on about how females put up with unnecessary bullshit. Then the exchange went on to how its not just females but people in general who put with the unnecessary bullshit from others especially in relationships. 1st & foremost before anyone who reads this wants to jump to any conclusions & think I'm putting up with ANYONE'S bullshit I'm not. I'm presently bullshit free & fully intend on staying that way for a very long time. I notice though in my very short lifespan that people tolerate bullshit from others because they often believe the person they're going through it with is worth the struggle. I can't even knock anyone for that because we've all been there before at some point or another. Some of us a lot less frequently than others & thats where the similarities stop. Some people out there are so hungry for companionship that they just be tolerated bullshit from any & everyone. If anyone there just read what I said & notices they put with a lot of bullshit then please examine things in your lifestyle. I'm not 1 to tell anyone how to live their life but don't put yourself through hardships for any ole regular person. Make sure if you're out there fighting "the good fight" that it is indeed "the good fight" & not just a flash in the pan. That especially goes out to the females because men have a lower tolerance for bullshit in my opinion. Women are beautiful don't let some loser ugly up your heart for another man who's there to polish its beauty! In the words of Mack Maine, "... tired of the same shit, I need a different toilet!!"

Charge me up......

Currently listening to: New Boyz - "You're A Jerk"


1 thing I've really noticed is that I'm a sucker for a nice compliment. I'm pretty sure I've even mentioned this on my blog before but fuck it, I'm going to do it again! If you don't like it eat a dick, lol. Crazy thing is about the whole thing with me liking compliments is that I hate to have the "battery put in my back". If you're not familiar with that term, it means when you tell someone what it is you think they want to hear. Like when I'm being told things I know aren't even true about me its pretty obvious what's going on. I'll take that extra juice from the battery though, fuel my ignorance! Genuine compliments are words that always find a way to leave me speechless on the other hand though. Its good to know that people honestly admire things about you & can let it be known without sounding so passe. The best kind of compliments are the 1s that come out of nowhere from unexpected sources. I'll accept both ways of people trying to tell me I'm the shit. I love good entertainment in the form of trying to put the battery in my back & I also love generosity.

To Say The Least......

Currently listening to: Drake " Thrill Is Gone "







So I actually had a post all saved under this title & everything but then something EXTREMELY comical happened to me Saturday night. I love when people pull complete 360 turns on you in a matter of days or better yet even hours. You can tell a person's character when they are taken out of their comfort zone. Some people, find ways to make sure they are comfortable & other find ways to make others around them equally as uncomfortable as they've become. To say the least, I use the word love because I actually hate it with a passion. Even though my mother actually did give birth to me at night, it damn sure wasn't last night (I've always wanted to use that line by the way). The easiest way to completely piss me off is attempt to make a fool of ANY belief that I have. There are things that I've grown to believe & have a certain amount of faith in. I was watching that Icon special on The Dream last night & he said that's he's not a person who wastes any conversation that he has. Thats a notion that I can totally agree with. None of the words that come out of my mouth are for entertainment & should taken with an extreme amount consideration. I consider myself a pretty compassionate man but once I lose my reason(s) for being compassionate I become extremely cold hearted. Being cold hearted isn't something thats particularly natural for me but I am damn sure good at it. There are plenty of bad things & attacks against people's character I could insert into this blog but I'm not going to be classless. Robin did raise her baby boy with some form tact even though I use it VERY loosely. #RANDOM HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE MOHAWK GRENADE?!?!?

Maybe I Deserve.......

Currently listening to: Lloyd - "One For Me"


I'm still a little pissed that I've had Lloyd's "Street Love" album for years & just noticed this song the other day! My homie Lloyd is too slept on in this music shit! Coming out with Ja in the midst of his beef with Curtis set him back! But anyway, let me get to the fucking point of this post & stop rambling on about Lloyd. After some surprise conversations with a few of the homies, I realize that all niggas go through the same bullshit with women!(notice I didn't say bitches, I'm trying to refrain from that word these days) I remember when we were all young & it wasn't shit to worry about but playing ball & getting whatever hot game was out for PS1. Now niggas done matured & developed emotions & what not! I personally don't even want another nigga coming to me discussing his feelings about a female but I'm not even gonna turn a deaf ear to my homies so I'll listen & provide insight if need be. I don't even know why niggas ask me for advice anyway. Ask of any of them when was the last girlfriend that I had! Man if that chick didn't hit me up like 2 weeks ago I wouldn't even remember. Everyone deserves what they feel is essential to their own happiness. Noone should allow another to decitate to them what defines your emotional satisfaction. Everyone isn't meant to have the white fench, wife, 2.5 kids, & a dog. Find out what it is that completes you & attain that because in life the only person you have to worry about pleasing besides God is yourself. Everyone else's pleasure at your hands is secondary or at least thats how I see things. There are some very selfless people out there who put others before self but I'm not 1 of them. I respect anyone who takes that vantage point on life because thats a very noble way to live life. So to those few who follow my blog or anyone who randomly comes across these words, find what you deserve & treat yourself! If nobody has ever told you this then I'll be the 1st to do so, you deserve your peace!

Making The Cut.........

Currently listening to: Marques Houston feat. Joe Budden "Clubbin'"


So in the wake of certain events, I've decided to take a new approach in life. Instead of "focusing" my time & efforts on 1 female, I decided that I gather me an unofficial line-up. Now I've heard other dudes talk about their roster & thinking back on it I've always had 1 myself. Just a group of different females I communicate with for whatever reason. Now I'm mentally free of previous restraints that I placed upon myself I can really just rock the fuck out! Well maybe I should actually wait a while because I don't want any of these chicks thinking their getting a Christmas gift from me, lmao. On some real shit though, I've been partially starving myself socially & I got to bounce back. It's pretty refreshing to actually go out with females & not feel guilty or wish that they were somebody else for the time being. But the rotation is starting to come together for the near future so we shall see how things develop with these "players" on the roster. Most importantly, I'm upfront with all of them so nobody has any misconceptions about what the fuck is going down! I ain't fuckin' none of them so they can't get mad over no shit like that.... Just Sharif spending some time with a few female "friends" on different occasions. I'm still in my warmup suit doing the layup line before the game... wait till I snap these pants off!

Let It Loose.....

Currently listening to: Jay Electronica "Victory In My Clutches"


So I never actually really got an answer as to why the cream hasn't risen to the top for me(I know some people may wonder why I always talk in analogies) but I've also made a very difficult decision. I've decided against trying to figure it out any longer & just to move on. Now I'm a man so I'll admit that I've very hurt by this & by no means was it an easy decision for me to make. I'm actually still a little uneasy about this & I may even indeed be wrong for doing this. But as Hov once said "... in order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets ". I'm probably going to be pretty damn crabby for the near future but whoever doesn't like it can eat a dick! To be perfectly honest, I feel like I'm being a quitter & that idea does bother me to the upteenth power. Like I haven't quit anything in my adult life after I decided to stop going to college so its definitely been weeded out of my system acting in such a fashion. But it definitely takes a lot more strength to know when to let go of your obsessions when they are not particularly lightening the load you must carry. Now I must redirect my energy, attention, passion, etc. onto something else. What is that something else you may wonder?!? Well if you figure it out before me then holla at me & let me know cause I have no idea. But through it all, this is just another lesson in class of self perfection that I've been enrolled in for some time now. I'll end things on this note... " I don't know the key to success but I know the key to failure is trying to please everyone " - Bill Cosby, until next entry folks!

Black Or White......

Currently listening to: Wale feat. Jazsmine Sullivan "World Tour"


So the last time I posted a new blog I told myself that I would no longer do this but then I remembered why I do. Even though I'm a straight forward person, there are always something you just can't verbalize to people. So I log on here & just pour my soul in these entries for myself & whoever comes along to read them.
Now, I'm a person who likes to lay the specifics of any given situation out so there won't be any misconceptions between anybody. Sometimes that works in my favor & other times it doesn't. I know that I'm a spoiled dude & I'm not used to having things not work in my favor. That really grinds my gears & I always begin to rigorously critic myself. No matter what anyone tells me, I always examine myself after a failed attempt to do anything. Because I'm a firm believer in learning from your mistakes/shortcomings. So when I really can't piece together why I've come short of a goal I begin to get really irritable. As I lay down typing this entry, I reminisce of a contant shortcoming on my behalf. of course there are other factors involved in me falling short of the goal I set out to accomplish but at the end of the day I know its definitely something I could have done/be doing to change that fact. I'm very obsessive right now because it's not even about getting to where I want to be anymore but its more so about me figuring out why did I fall short in the 1st place. I pray that God reveals the answer to this burning question or at least points me in the right direction because I'm severely disturbed by this.

Sister, sister....

Currently listening to: Bilal "Fast Lane"


So today is my big sister's 30th birthday & 1st I'd like to thank God for allowing her to make it this far in life. Secondly, I sincerely hope He allows her to see many more birthdays & for me to able to see them right along with her. I've always said that I won't allow just any ole female to meet my mother but when I think about it I should actually say that about my sister. No female I ever "fucked with" has met my sister. Since me & my sister are pretty close in age her opinion on who I deal with holds a different value than that of my mother. There were times in my life after my mother & father divorced & before my step-father came into play where my sister played "mommy" to me. When my mother was working double shifts crunchin' those numbers for Prudential my sister was making sure her little brother was taken care of. She was only like 12-13 during this time but its something I'll never forget & I more than appreciate it. Even as we both got older she still looked out for me. When she got her 1st "REAL" job she used to just buy me random ass shit & say " I thought you would like nice in this so I got it for you or I saw you need some new basketball sneakers to play in ". Experiencing how she treated me always made me want to have a younger sibiling but its too late now. So today, as my sister celebrates her birthday with her closest family & friends I'll be there for ride. But even when it's just a normal day I'm still there..... even though she pisses me off sometimes, I love more than I love myself (for a self-centered person like me thats a whole lot) & I'd give my life to make sure she has what she needs in life REAL TALK. If you fuck with me then you fuck with my sister.....

When The Blogging Stops.......

Currently listening to: Ghostface Killah feat. Vaughn & Estelle "Paragraphs Of Love"



Last night I had a dream that I've had many times before last night. But the difference this time was that there were some minor changes of character & scenery. Now this isn't the 1st time in which I've had this dreams with different people involved. Crazy thing is, that random faces are involved & I couldn't place a name to them if I wanted to. I just really see that as sign of incumbent changes in my life/lifestyle. Things that I thought were the norm are no longer the norm for me. Usually I blog when I need to get something off of my chest & I don't want to say it to anyone in particular because of the way I know I'll deliver my point. I'm a pretty confrontational person but I do have a heart behind all the ice I've decided to cover it up with. Once I get to know people, I can't just go & hurt their feelings unless I feel they perform an action worthy of that response. But its not always necessarily harmful or offensive dialog in the cases in which I blog. Sometimes I'm just at a lost of what to say. I need to get out of that habit & stop hiding behind the keyboard. Set myself free & just let my pure unadulterated thoughts be spoken. If my words hurt any one's feelings when I do then I'll have to apologize. Just some obstacles in my constant strive for inner perfection.......

Getting Besides Myself

Currently listening to: Gucci Mane "Wasted"


In my last post, I mentioned a need for me to step outside of situations that I'm placed in & attempt to offer up 3rd person advice. Well I must admit that is a very hard thing to do because deep down I know the specifics of the situations I'm attempting to give myself the 3rd person advice on. Knowing these specifics keeps making me give excuses in the back of my head. Good thing for myself & my attempts is that I'm growing ever more pessimistic by the day so now I see the negative side of things more than the positive. 1 particular situation in which I needed to advise myself has been helped along because I've advised a friend of mine in a VERY similar situation. So I'm just going to follow the same advice that I gave them & I should be alright. I'm nowhere near perfect but I still strive for inner perfection. I just want the day when I'm gone for people who know me to say ".... that's the 2nd greatest man to walk the Earth after Jesus". It a long lasting war filled with many inner battles but it's my life purpose. I pray that God allows me to stay in the war long because we all die just a little more with each passing day.

All Things Considered......

Currently listening to: Lupe Fiasco " Hurt Me Soul "



So now in life I find myself in a position which all too familiar to me. I need to master the art of stepping outside myself & examining the shit that I get myself into. Pardon my language, I've been trying to dial down on the profanity but it hasn't exactly been the easiest road. Anyway, I just need to see the happenings of my life & look at them from a 3rd person perspective. Would I give myself the same advice that I would give another person in the same exact situation as myself?? Familiarity breeds content but what is there to be done to turn the familiar into something new? What changes can I make to my familiar routine that will turn things around? I've been here before but I need to learn from my past missteps & make things different this time around. I recognize my history & with the help of God hopefully I will not be doomed to repeat it because I'm not sure if I can take going through the same turmoil again. Stay tuned because this will be an event of catastrophic proportions or something marvelous.......

Hurricane Season....

Currently listening to: Michael Jackson & The Jacksons " Maria (You Were The Only One) "



Once again its been a while since I've written on this blog but I'm home bored as ever so I decided to go in. This summer really hasn't been too good & that's to say the least. Well I kinda got dumped even though I wasn't even officially in a relationship. Someone broke into my car stealing my iPod & car radio. I got a speeding ticket on my own block. These are just minor plot twists in the movie of my life. Like I said before that in my movie that roles will change & some people may even come back on the scene or leave the scene as well for that matter. 1 thing I've noticed in my lifetime is that I think my personality draws some people in. Not to sound cocky because thats not the intent of that comment. Some people just really vibe off of who I am & at the same time other don't but I choose to focus on those who do(why I even shed light on people who don't like me). The chick I used to fuck with now has a revised role in this movie of my life. We still cool & actually see each other on ocassion because we were actually friends before all the wildness popped in her life. She's pretty cool & my mama likes her so she'll definitely have a place into the movie for a while. The female who steered in me in the direction of blogspot has come back around. I reached out to her & broke the silence between us because I really can't even explain how she makes me feel sometimes. I will say this though, I actually put my pride aside for once & made a "mature" decision. I'll lie to anybody on this earth including my mother before I lie to myself. I knew while we weren't talking & I was fucking with the other chick that I still wanted to reach out. Ironically when I finally decided to do it is was like 2-3 weeks before I got " dumped ". I forgot to mention I smoked weed for the 1st time this summer. I can definitely see why people do that shit because everything is funny when you're high. My nigga said peanut butter to me last night while I was high & I laughed at him for over 2o minutes. I wonder can you have sex all day/night when you're high like you can when you're drunk. Hmmmmmm........ maybe 1 day!

The Way You Make Me Feel......

Currently listening to: " Better On The Other Side " - The Game, Chris Brown, Diddy, Polow Da Don, Mario Winans, Usher, Boyz II Men



The day Michael Joseph Jackson died was a very sad moment for a lot people. I was born in the spring of 1984 so that puts me right in the middle of the Thriller to Bad album eras. Michael Jackson was 1st the celebrity I looked up to. Long before I discovered basketball or even rap music there he was. I remember getting my ass beat for "moon walking" in my socks across the living room floor in front the TV to Smooth Criminal. 1 of the best times of my life is when I dressed as him for Halloween in pre-school. I remember the glitter glove, white socks, & shoes. Till this day, when I go the club & his music comes on I feel like a kid again. My eyes open wide as saucers then I begin to impersonate his dance moves. Regardless of what his personal issues may be I will always see him with a childlike innocence. People may not understand why I have taken the death of a complete stranger so hard but for me he was more than an entertainer. He was the 1st person I ever wanted to be like. Before I could put into words how much I love my family, I knew that I loved him & his music. So with his passing, its like part of my childhood has gone with him. When I listen to his music I just shake my head in disbelief at his genius. His music is like listening to Mozart or Chopin. I can close my eyes & just drift off because it is that magical to me. So on June 25th, I didn't just lose a great entertainer in whom I admire but I lost a close friend. RIP Michael Joseph Jackson, you were dearly loved by this man here.

Blind favors.....

Currently listening to: Trey Songz " First Date Sex "



So sometimes things happen to you & you really don't understand why. It may seem like at the time that it's just the shittiest thing in the world but in reality it was probably the best thing for you. Just cleared room for some much need changes in my life because I was walking around with the blinders on like a race horse. The race that I was racing wasn't the race for me. As a matter of fact, I don't know what God has in store for me so I'll just it at least wasn't the race for me at the time. Now that blinders are off it's like I've been missing out on some shit!! So I got my walking stick & I'm already been on my new journey. R.I.P. David Carridine because the last line reminded me of " Kung Fu: The Legend Continues " & he was the shit in the show!!

All praises due to......

Currently listening to: Trey Songz feat. Drake " Invented Sex "


My birthday was almost a week ago & I'd have to say that this birthday may have been the best I've had. Nothing too big but I had a blast either way. I thank God everyday for allowing me to breath another day on this Earth. Thinking back on how things were going for me last year, I also thank God for putting me through what I've been through in the past year. If anyone would have told me some of the things that happened to me would happen I probably would of laughed in their face. I've faced some situations & responded some ways that surprise me. This past year has definitely taught me that things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes you just need to remove yourself from a situation so you can have a birdseye view of what's going on. I just hope & pray that guy let's me see another year of life in the world.......

Its alright......

Currently listening to: "Every Girl" Lil Wayne feat. Young Money


Why is whenever you really start fuckin' with someone those of the opposite sex just flock to you?!? Not even fuckin' as in having sex though but spending time with someone significantly. I swear this weekend & pretty much every Memorial weekend is my time for getting females numbers! I wasn't even trying to get them which just makes it even worse. Where was all this fuckin' attention in like late February & early March when I was in another 1 of my funks?!? Bitches ain't shit..... lol. Luckily for the female I'm spending my time with that I'm a faithful kinda dude. Even though we ain't together I respect what we got going on so I'll just keep these bitches numbers on deck. I learned 1 thing in my lifetime so far, never put all of your faith in anyone but God & your mother! So no matter how close I ever get to a female she'll never have all of my trust. Gotta stay with something on deck cause bitches be buggin in these streets & you don't want to be in the cold wearing a wind breaker, you feel me?!?

This or That......

Currently listening to: Cam'ron " Where I Know You From "


Man, it's definitely been too long for me on this blog shit. Everytime I tell myself I'm gonna get back on my grind, something just comes up & I stop bloggin. I'm not gonna make myself any promises because I know how it's been turning out. So recently I been laying the penis down on someone new & before I layed it down she already called me a lot. Now post-penis, she calls me ALL THE FUCKIN TIME!!! Its not a problem though cause I actually like her & enjoy her company. I'm starting to notice a trend though in my life..... females usually like me enough once they get to know me. If I have sex with them, shit just goes to a whole different level! I'm always a person who's constructively dissatisfied so I always think I can lay the pipe better than I may have. Now I have to wonder, do I really be puttin' it down on these chicks or do I just run into some nymphos!?!? I need to tape myself so I can do a scouting report on my pipe game.

Can't Win For Losing

Currently listening : " Who's Gonna Save My Soul " by Gnarls Barkley


I haven't blogged in a while, I hope I still can do this shit right(lol)!! This song I'm currently listening to will always be a song I remember for the rest of my life. A song that was brought to my attention when I thought part of my life was going in the toilet. Maybe it was at the time but in retrospect it was just another learning tool in my life so I won't pretend that it was nothing. I still kinda feel like something is missing but the void can't be filled so I just have to keep it moving. But really let me get into what I intended to blog about......
So in my last blog post, I mentioned a certain female that I been spending a lot of time with recently. Now she has a boyfriend which makes it an awkward situation because I never thought of myself to be 1 of those kind of dudes (the I'm fucking with somebody else's girl type). When life gives you lemons you make lemonade! The longer this shit goes on, the more complicated this shit just becomes. Yesterday we were having a very deep conversation & she asks me why don't I have a girlfriend. I don't have a answer for that question.... females I actually grow to give 2 shits about usually seem to take my kindness for a weakness. Then bitches wanna wonder why I act the way I act most of the time. Make up your fucking mind bitches!! But that goes right in with the title of this blog. No matter which side I decide to choose things just never really work in my favor. I'd definitely give all of my earthly possesions if my future self came to see me in the Dolorean to tell me what the fuck happens to me in the future. My life is great movie and I'm just waiting for the climax because all these introduction years are really getting annoying.

I Love Your Girl.... well not love but ya know!!!

Currently listening to: Tyga " Saying This "



So recently, I been hanging with this chick a lot but she has a boyfriend. Now the funny thing is that I actually I'm feeling this chick but of course she has a boyfriend. I'm not 1 of those " what ya man gotta do with me " kinda dudes so this is a conundrum for me. I mean maybe a month ago I stopped to this chick I would of swore on the bible I would marry & now I'm stuck in a pickle with a chick who has a boyfriend.... WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? I hang out with her in public places so I don't end up doing anything inappropriate or anything to induce further disrespect to her relationship. Now that I think about, maybe I shouldn't even chill with her at all anymore because that's rather fucked up!! I wouldn't want some dude hanging out with my chick all the time. I got to have the shittiest luck in the world when it comes to shit with women. The females in which I share a genuine & a mutual fondness for never are really accessible to me!! All the dumb females who are on my dick that I can't stand are available a whim!! That shit is fucking crazy..... I'm take my skinny ass in the Biggavel & go for a drive to gather my thoughts!!

The Milk Has Gone Bad......

Currently listening to: Jay-Z " Lost One "

To begin this month I just had to come to realization that some people are just better off left outside of my circle. It's no hard feelings & I wish them the best of luck in the future. I had to stop talking to 2 friends of mine for different reasons. 1 of them because they been going through some shit & been doing others around them wrong. So I figure I would stop talking to them before that drama even comes my way. I'm not 1 for the drama & I will beat a nigga's ass immediately if they come my way with the bullshit. So let's just go our seperate ways now & save you from getting knocked the fuck out cause I don't talk the shit I talk for nothing. The 2nd friend I can't even tell you why we don't talk anymore. In the past when this happened I used to want to know why weren't talking anymore. This time around I could careless but once again I don't have any ill feelings towards neither of the friends I no longer speak with. May God bless them & keep them strong because the movie called my life still goes on. Some people will get an expanded role while new characters may be introduced at a later date. Stay tuned for greatness & let me end with a quote I thought of.... " Why be with someone holding you back when there is someone waiting to push you forward "

I'm slippin....

Currently listening to: " Time To Pretend " MGMT

I told myself & whoever so happens to read my blog at the end of January that I would some up how things went for me on a monthly basis. It's now the 4th of March & I'm just getting around to it. February was a short & quiet month for me if I must say so myself. Valentine's Day came & went for me. I'm not 1 for celebrating that holiday anyway so it wasn't any skin off my back. I got to spend some time with a friend I haven't seen in a while. Anytime I can be around liquor, music, & women is a good time for me. I don't know how I made it through NYC drunk & all the way back home that night but I did it (shoutout to my wheel game). Thank God for that though because sometimes friends help see things you wouldn't have seen for yourself with them pointing you in the right direction. For the most part though, I just spent most of the month on chill with a few exceptions the last 2 weeks of the month. So all in all February was boring as hell for me. I hope as the weather heats up so will my activities.

Am I My Brother's Keeper?!

Currently listening to: R.Kelly " I Wish "







Now I must admit in the past that I never gave a shit about what's going on in foreign affairs. I always just felt for the most part the poor soldiers who get stuck in the "battle" were just pawns being used to fight for shit most of them could care less about. I mean I've had 3 homies in the Navy(1 finished his time) & I always told them they were dumb for joining the Navy. But now 1 of them is being sent off to Iraq & shit obviously has hit home. This nigga is a brother... I mean I've know him since elementary school. I know God will take care of him & bring him home safely. But now I'll be paying closer attention to what's going on around the world because I've got family involved in this mess. He didn't join the Navy because he's some patriot(nigga not even American, he's from Jamaica) but just because they were offering a chance for him to better himself. He was never too much of the school type. I have found myself praying way more than I have ever prayed in the past recently. I'm not overly religious but I believe the bible verse goes something like, ".. I look to the hills for which cometh my help, my help cometh from the Lord ". I know God has given me everything I have in my life & he will provide me with everything I ever will have. Now I have to include my brother in my prayers... I pray God keeps him safe for himself, his family, & his friends. When his time to come back to New Jersey for good has come we gonna party like we never partied before.

Definitely, Maybe........

Currently listening to: 112 " Love You Like I Did "





Being that I took a nap at like 8PM last night, I can't sleep but I ended up seeing a pretty good move. It's called " Definitely, Maybe " featuring Ryan Reynolds & I must admit this dude has to be the king of romantic comedies. He was also in the movie " Just Friends " which was also another pretty good movie. The reason I brought this movie up is because I feel it gives me further assurance that everything indeed happens for a reason. In the movie, Ryan's character keeps having several encounters with this 1 woman in particular & with a few females in between. Not to kill the movie but basically after a kid, a divorce, & time he realizes that this female is the female he should've been with in all along. As much as I call other guys sissys for being all emotional & shit, I must admit that I rather enjoy romantic comedies.

Now in my own life there is someone of the opposite who I feel God has introduced me to for good reason. We have our disagreements & stop talking to each but we always seem to find our way back to each other. I don't have a dumb movie perception of things & think that we're soulmates or some shit like that (that's like waiting up for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve or putting a tooth under your pillow waiting for money). But I am very convinced this is someone who's going to around me for a very long time in whatever capacity. I can't predict the future so I won't even bullshit myself by attempting to create some fairy tale ending in my mind. Fairy tales are just that.... tales!! A story being told about some happy happy joy joy kind of shit.

I'm really starting to come a peace with who I am as a man so I'm putting everyone around me in whatever category my experiences with them have qualified them for. I've had this long drawn out disertation in my head for a couple of months but I'm not too sure I'll ever get to say it. Just a lot opinions & emotions wrapped in 1 of those rants you see during the climax in a romantic comedy. " Definitely, Maybe " brought this rant back to forefront of my thoughts because I placed to the back of my mind while ago. Not wanting to go through the trepidation involved with going on such a rant I just continue to bite my tongue. But I fear if I keep biting my tongue when I finally get the chance to go on my rant I won't have too much of a tongue to say the words I've rehearsed in my mind repeatedly.

Take a number & wait in line son.....

Currently listening to: Drake "Houstatlantavegas"




It feels like quite some time ago I was given a number & told to wait in line. But here's the tricky part..... I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M WAITING FOR!!! It's 1 of those moments in which you feel like you're being lead blind folded through the jungle. I know there is all kinds of crazy shit in the process of me waiting & getting to the end of the journey. I just want to lift my blindfold so I can at least take a peak of what's at the end. I consider myself a pretty patient dude but it's only some much blind faith a person can exhibit without having a clue about what the end result. Hopefully I'll find out soon because if I don't I'm taking down some animals along the way through the jungle to my destination.

Valentine's Day......

Currently listening to: Stevie Wonder " Part Time Lover "

So the question of whether or not I have a valentine keeps resonating from the mouths of females I know. Of course I don't have a fuckin' valentine, these bitches must've forgot who they were asking. I sat & thought about the concept of valentine's day then came to a conclusion. People who are not in an established should not be celebrating valentine's day. Why am I just going to get a gift to a person I'm mildly fond of or even engage in sexual activity with them just because it's 02/14? Even if I was in an established relationship, does it mean I wait until valentine's day to show how much I care for my partner? Valentine's day has become in all actuality a less religious Christmas. All it's about is getting gifts for someone and big corporations making money off of people's feelings. You have to love american industry!!! With all this said, it doesn't mean I won't be getting anyone anything but I damn sure won't be calling any female my "valentine "!!!

A Little Place Called........

Currently listening to: Trey Songz " Cheat On You "

On the theme song for Cheers its said that " sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name " and I definitely know that feeling. There's a little place that I like to take a trip to every so often but everyone doesn't know my name. Only 1 person knows my name when I'm there. When I go there I make sure that I'm extra fresh & I even got on the smell goods for my trip there. This is the type of place you go & you leave your shoes by the door. I make sure that I get my entire being inside because I don't want anything left behind. I can just be myself whenever I'm inside of those walls. When I'm there it feels like it was just constructed for me & that nobody else should ever be allowed. I always do beyond my best to make sure trip there is a memorable visit. Others when they visit like to do damage but I prefer to call it a much needed renovation. You know I'm more into tightening up some loose ends as opposed to necessarily knocking down walls. Even though there are times when knocking the wallks down is more like a come to work item. Regardless, this job takes a lot of care & attention to detail. Because even though the place is similar in concept each person's is different in its own right. That means you have to know how adapt to the environment you're in & still get the job done. Most importantly when my visit is done I have to make sure the water is not overflowing and that the lights are ready to go off upon my exit. This place goes by many names by many different men but to me it's a little place called........ HOME!!!

Change of plans.....

Currently listening to: R.Kelly " If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time "

I remember when I was a little boy I wanted to go Seton Hall & become a lawyer. But obviously that hasn't happened, now has it? I eventually discovered an interest in fairer sex plus the game of basketball so all the school work wasn't for me. The reason I began my blog with that story is because it's an example how things in life may change an original plan of yours. Regardless if its for the better or worse.

I'm a firm believer in the phrase, " Everything happens for a reason ". With that being said, it's a reason that some of my plans I had when I was younger have changed. Some of them changed into things that have worked in my favor & others not so much. The question is though do you allow variables in life to change your plans or do you continue with what initially had set out to do? I'm not really too much for the whole trial & error route to getting things accomplished. Sometimes it's more than a necessity to do so but I'd like to keep the error part to minimum. I have no problem with trying things but failing isn't too much of an option. I'll admit sometimes I change my plans in order to succeed when failure looks pretty obvious. There are even a couple of situations in which I have a failure to succeed. As much as I hate to fail, there is much needed balance between failure & success required in life. So I can't pick & choose which 1 I would like to accomplish at the time. I just gotta be ready to adjust to the different variables thrown into this equation we call life.

Cheaters/ Wifey.....

Currently listening to: Fabolous " Baby "

As a man I can't indentify myself with other men who cheat on the women they're in a relationship with. I've always just felt if its really to the point you would do something with another women then you shouldn't be in a relationship anymore. Obviously something in the relationship isn't going right. It can be physically, emotionally, or mentally something wrong in said relationship. If that's the case, then a dude mind as well get himself a " wifey ".

In my mind a " wifey " is just a man's main female. She gets better treatment that the rest of chicks he deals with. When 1 man ask another man if the female he's with is " wifey " it's basically to see if he can push up on her too. So if a man says, " Yea, thats wifey!! " then thats man talk for " Nah, you can't holla at her ". That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have his chicks on the side but it means that she has a high status amongst his roster of ladies. But if the response is " No " then it means " If she down for it then go ahead my dude put ya work in ".

Basically I'm just stating the fact that " wifey " is not exactly the most endearing thing to call a female you care about. I'm not 1 for nicknames & shit of that nature but it sure as hell beats calling a chick my " wifey ".

Demons.....

Currently listening to: Stack Bundles " Peep Game "

The phrase skeletons in your closet is often used when a person has secrets they don't want to reveal. In all actuality, everyone has their own secrets or demons as I would say they're fighting against. Most people's demons come from a false perception they've led others around them to start to believe. They get in so deep that it becomes way to late to ever tell the truth. I've heard someone say a long time ago if you tell yourself the same lie enough you start to believe it. It always helps to have a confidant in which you be honest with but even in that case there are some things you always keep to yourself. As people fight their demons, the people around them maybe hurt in their attempts to keep their demons out of plain sight. Just remember that your loved ones will be there for you regardless of what demons you may be fighting against. So just make you don't give them reason to want to side with your demons & harm you as well.

Ummm.... Yea!!!!

Currently listening to: Lil Wayne feat. Drake & Kid Kid " I Can Take Your Girl "

First and foremost, I'll admit my currently listening to is 1 of the best Lil Wayne songs I've heard in a minute. I decided to write a blog because a good friend mind pointed out the fact that I don't blog as much. So I'll just use this as something to catch my whopping 2 followers & whatever other random people that come across my blog to what's new with me.

Well since 2009 began I scratched 1 of my 3 New Year resolutions off of my list.... I got a car but its a gift & a curse for me. On 1 side of the coin, I come & go as I please which is always a good thing. But on the other side of that coin, niggas think I'm going to be going out all the time since I got my own shit. I hate to kill the homies' dreams but since I refuse to drink & drive I'm not going to any bars, lounges, or clubs in my car. That shit is dieing out for me anyway since people who wasn't even high school when I was are now of drinking age to get into bars, lounges, & clubs. My sister finally had her baby and it was only like 5 days after she was due. I'm officially an uncle & I must say that I have the most beautiful niece out there. ( No I'm not being biased either, it's a fact!!! Wikipedia that shit if you don't believe me, lol ) My father came here from Iowa, North Dakota, or whichever hick state he ran to so he could see his granddaughter. Everytime I speak to this nigga he always asking when I'm having a kid (nigga I haven't had a girlfriend in almost 4 years which is to say I'm not just gonna fuck a chick so I can have a baby for you nigga!! ). But my experience of seeing my father after all these years wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. I didn't talk to him too much because what is there really for me to say to him. Seeing my biological father makes me appreciate my step-father a lot more. He cared for a woman & her kids neither of which were that young when his relationship started with my mother ( I respect that a lot because I don't have being a step daddy in me & doubt I ever will ). Now that I've only got 2 resolutions left to accomplish, it's time to focus on #2. I'm not going to say what it is until I accomplish it. Maybe whoever is reading this might be thinking " What if you don't accomplish it?!? ". My response to that would be, even though I am very even keeled when I decide something must be done I get it done. I'll just say resolution #2 is something I started a while back but then got complacent. But now I'm back at it like I just caught that 1st quick nut. So that's pretty much the 1st month of the year for me in a summary & now that's been done I think I do this at the end of every month. See you guys on February 28th but I'll post some blogs in between. Mazel Tov!!!

YES I CAN......

Currently listening to : Marvin Gaye " Sparrow "


Every time I see an older person's response to President Obama I realize what he means to a lot of people. People closer to my age range usually spit some ignorant comment about Obama. Such as, " Yo, he's gonna have a BBQ at the White House " or " he's gonna legalize weed ". They even repeatedly bash George W. Bush and I admit the man was nothing short of an idiot but let's be mature. Barack Obama doesn't come out talking shit about Bush so more people should follow his lead in that regard. Acknowledge his short-comings and move towards the future.

Now that little piece is off of my chest..... I take the slogan " Yes, we can " to heart but I adapt to my own personal needs. I don't give a fuck what the next person is doing so there is no WE involved. There are very few people in my life I would even include in a statement in the word WE is necessary. So for me it is now " YES, I CAN ". I see President Obama nervous during his oath and I'm reminded that he is indeed human. Many people have exalted him to a status similar to a messiah or a savior. In life when a man gets flustered, he needs to do nothing more than take a breath then re-focus himself. That's a little something my step father told me the other day. But the Obama family is something that deep down inside every human being wants for them self. A strong husband or wife by your side with loving children to carry on your legacy. But your legacy is well built before you even meet your potential spouse or have children. So think how is your story going to be told after you are gone. I'm not going to bullshit myself or whoever may read my blog by saying I'm going to instantly become some fuckin' catalyst for change. But 1 thing that resonates with me is that I just need to be who I need to be for me & my loved 1's. " YES, I CAN "