Moment Of Clarity............

Currently listening to: Andre 3000 " Prototype "

             So last night a good friend of mine called me with a dilemma. Her " significant other " is on his usual bullshit and trying to have his cake and eat it too. He's been telling her 1 thing and doing another thing. Now the part where I come in is because he's my homie. Now I'm aware of some of things that he does but its not my place to put the next man's business in the streets so I keep them to myself but at the same time I try to let her know that maybe she should move on. I'm definitely not the person to be listening to for advice on love and happiness so listen to my advice at your own expense. I just hope things work out for her no matter what she unltimately decides to do with her situation.

             Everyone has that 1 special someone that they can tell anything to and feel totally comfortable. I used to have someone like that but I don't have them around anymore. Now I wonder, do I get to find another 1 or do I just have to keep things to myself from now on? If I were to attempt to find someone else to share that bond of confidence with does that make what my former confidence bearer and I had less special? I think it just may make the things I shared before a lot less special. So I guess I will just have to keep some things I want to say all bottled up from now because I don't they're coming back. Maybe I should start a journal on some Anne Franke shit!!! Decades from now check my attic and it'll be stashed away somewhere but just make sure my family gets the money made off of my infamous thoughts!

Obsession Part duex

Currently listening to: Max B " Paperwork "

         On my other blog I had in the past I wrote about obsession but I don't even really remember what it is that I wrote ( don't care to go back and check either ). But most people are obsessed with things such as money, sex, drugs, power, fame, etc. As for myself, I've got an obsession over a female. Now even though the female of discussion wants nothing to do with me for the time being and for the foreseeable future I still make it my business to read her blog frequently ( no need for comment because I know what you may be thinking ). I check her "tweets" on Twitter too and I'm not ashamed to say I just may be obsessed. Now every since we've stopped talking to each other I've been in this funk. I really don't shit but go to work and then come in the house. I don't know if thats a reflection of my drastic change in life or just because I just don't feel like doing anything. But I know being with this female is like 1 of the very few things I ever felt was worth me exerting any extra energy into doing. That's not to say that I did everything that I could to make it happen because if that were so then I wouldn't even be in this situation. My feelings often waver over this but thats usually when my pride gets in the way. Recently I've been kind of " talking " this chick and at 1st when I started " talking " to her I never thought about my obsession ( that purely because of my pride telling me that I should move on ). But now whenever I talk to this other girl, it just reminds me constantly of my obsession. So I guess with my failed attempt to move on out of the way I have to get back on my grind. I got to go back to the way I was on it when my obsession was more than a 2 hour drive down the Garden State Parkway, back to when I sent flowers just to let her know I love her, or when we would talk on the phone until she fell asleep. So now I got to refocus my energy and make it happen this time around because I honestly never see myself ever wanting something else as bad again in my life.......

When the dust settles!!

Currently listening to: The Game feat. Lil Wayne " My Life "

                In my mind, I always will be the be the 2ND greatest human being to walk the face of the Earth ( Jesus being the 1st ) but sometimes I just wonder if I'm walking in the right path. I'm not a guy who wants to make sure that his footsteps are heard because I would rather leave my footprints for others to see when I'm gone. There are some choices in my life that I will always wonder if it was the right decision but people say " Everything happens for a reason ". I try not to regret things but I can't but help to feel a little regret sometimes because of some life choices. I guess in my attempts to make sure a strong person I have even isolated some valued people in my life. Even though I'm not an insecure man by nature, I do have several severe insecurities. These severe insecurities often drive my questionable decision making. People in this world all have fears regardless of what they may be. Snakes, heights, insects, rejection, etc..... Well my biggest fear is FAILURE!! I like to survey things before I even make an attempt to indulge myself into taking action. I refuse to fail and that's exactly why I at this point in my life right now.  Failure is definitely not an option in my life so that's why I may not have maximized on all the opportunities I have been given in life. So when the dust settles, will I ever really get over my fear to fail!?!? The day I ever accept failure will be the day I'm of no good to the world...........

Fill me in........

Currently listening to: Wyclef Jean feat. Mary J. Blidge " 911 "

          Someone please fill me in to this craze over oral sex going around these days. Now don't get me wrong any form of positive sexual contact is cool with me but I'm not really a big a fan of receiving oral sex. Maybe this is because I've had more than a couple bad experiences with bad oral sex. Now I'm just totally numb to the whole experience and can careless either way if I receive oral during my sexual encounters from here on out. Some females take offense to the fact that I don't like oral sex and want to go out of their way to change my mind. Does my dick have a sign on it saying " Suck me please "...... I don't think so, so let's save both of us some time and get down to business. 

I need to start taking my own advice........

Currently listening to : Bilal " Fast Lane "

         Every so often 1 of my friends approaches me with advice and I let them know how the situation they are in. Sometime I give good advice and sometimes it's not so good advice. Basically, you should just do whatever you feel is right for yourself. I need to just start listening to my own damn advice instead of looking to other people for a guiding hand. I know what the fuck is best for my life and how I react to or handle certain things. I'm going to take a deep breath and listen to some of my own words of advice. I'm the author of my life story and I'm writing in pen........... can't change the mistakes that I've made.

Got exactly what I thought I wanted...........

Currently listening to: 112 " Still Love "

         So I've got exactly what I thought I wanted out of my situation. I feel like a complete ass because I made it a point to push away someone I honestly do love to death. I remember when I was a little kid and I saw everything that went on between my parents I told myself that I'd never fall in love. When I finally did, the idea scared the shit out of me. People say you learn how to deal with women from the men you grew up with. I feared that I would be like my father. My father will still tell my mother he loves her knowing all the bullshit he put her and us threw. I couldn't even take the chance of knowing those same tendencies would ever surface in me ( the apple doesn't fall from the tree they say ). So I pushed her away, said things I know I didn't mean, and thought it would make things better. Well in all actuality, I'm worse than my father was because I purposely attacked someone's emotions. But I just couldn't stand not being able to communicate with her the way I was used to communicating with her. It hurt me a lot when she told me that she wasn't going to waste her words on me. I definitely know that's it all over now but I'm both sad and happy about that because I definitely don't deserve anyone in my life that I can intentionally hurt their feelings. This is definitely 1 of those moments I'm going to look back on and say " Damn, you're an idiot Sharif !!! " Sadly to say, I honestly feel better now than I did before just to know that all this heartbreak is over. Like But this is what I was trying to get accomplished so I'm going to " MAN UP " as my homie Sarath would say and keep it moving. I'm seriously going to get on my knees and pray to God about some things. I'm going to pray that she gets a guy who deserving of her and I'm going to pray that I remember this for the rest of my life. So if and when I ever even think I love a girl I remember how I treated this 1st girl I loved and then I'll just end things right then and there......

Hi Hater............

Currently listening to: Maino feat. T.I., Plies, Swizz Beatz, Jadakiss, and Fabolous " Hi Hater (rmx) "

      So within the past week I've been doing several things conscientiously and sub-conscientiously to make not like me. Now at the time I thought this was the way to go but in retrospect I realize that I'm not that evil. My conduct is/was very wrong, immature, and I should be above those kind of childish activities. Attempting to make enemies is no way to live life so I'm gonna just attempt to be above that by just keeping to myself. I take pride in the fact that most people I've come across in my lifetime tend to like who I am. When I leave this earth I don't want people snickering saying " fuck him.... I couldn't stand him.... he wasn't shit ". So lets just consider this an apology, regardless if anyone I have offended may even read this. I just feel a lot better coming to peace with this amongst myself. 

Love Is For Suckers.........

Currently listening to: New Edition " If It Isn't Love "

        Now I realize that looking from the sideline that love is for suckers. I see people constantly upset or in tears because of the result of their feelings for the one they are in love with. I mean I guess when shit is going well then love is great but when shit is on the rocks then that shit sucks. I know there is nothing in this world that is positive 100 % of the time but I see too many people around me been hurt by this "love" nonsense. No this blog isn't in reflection with my experience with this nonsense but just in reflection of some things my friends have confided in me about.If this love shit means letting someone getting close to your heart to be able to hurt you then I will pass. So to all of my heart broken friends, remember that when you give your heart to someone that you can never get it back the same way it was before you gave it away. Be careful who you decide is worth having that piece of you...........

A glimpse of the future...........

Currently listening to: Philly's Most Wanted " Please Don't Mind "

        Earlier today I was at the diner with a friend of mine and I saw an older black guy come in with his girlfriend/wife. I thought to myself, what will I dress like when I get like mid 30s to early 40s? I'm pretty stylish guy right now but I wonder if that will carry over to when I'm older and need to be more reserved. I think a nice polo shirt, some straight leg jeans, and some all white forces is pretty solid attire for a man of his mid 30s to early 40s.

       Also, its about to start getting pretty nippy outside so I'm need to get some new winter time clothing. Another accessory I need for the winter time is a lady to hang out with. Not a girlfriend but just a female you know to do shit with. Go to the movies, shopping, basketball games, etc...... So I'm on the prowl for a new lady friend or maybe even someone I already know ( who knows how this search will end up ).