Before the ball drops.......

Currently listening to: Dwight David " The Last Dragon "

      2008 is coming to a close and everyone is going into their New Year's resolutions. I never really been big on that concept because nobody ever sticks to them. I always figured as long as I grow as a man then I've had a successful year. As far as that is concerned, I can say 2008 has had very mixed results. I have definitely seen the growth within myself but I also recognize that I got a lot more room to grow. I'm slowly turning into the man I need to be for myself and possibly my future family. I no longer feel the need to go out to the club, bar, or lounge whenever 1 of my homies hits me up. I enjoy my own company way more than I ever have in the past. I do know I do a lot more reading so I will be frequenting Barnes & Noble, Borders, and other bookstores in 2009. I do kind of secretly have a New Year's resolution but I'll only reveal it if I actually get it accomplished.  So I'd like to wish anyone who reads this a happy New Year & I hope that if you make a New Year's resolution that you will accomplish it.  God Bless

Not enough words.......

Currently listening to: R. Kelly " It Seem Like You're Ready "

First and foremost, if you can figure out that brain teaser then there no need to keep reading this blog post. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm all about my pride. There have been more times in my life than I can count that my pride has gotten me into some deep shit. A good friend of mine had the nerve to challenge my pride and my manhood. She dared me to just fully express myself to a certain someone who I have mentioned in my blog on countless occasion. Now that I think about it, it's rather sad that it takes someone to challenge my pride/manhood in order for me to take this step forward but I mean shit happens for a reason. I know I am perfectly capable of doing the act of just letting everything out but I doubt that I am really ready for a response. I'm not even seeking any recourse, this is something I realize that I need to do for myself and my own development. So regardless of whatever happens, moments like this are helping to shape the man I will be 5, 10, or 15 years from now. I don't think there are enough words in any language for me to fully get my point across but I will attempt to do exactly that. Stay tuned in the movie which I consider my life because there is never really a dull moment............

Much more......

Currently listening to: Usher " U Got It Bad "

      Anyone remember the catch phrase from Transformer, ".... more than meets the eye "?? Well that's a phrase I fell can describe me very accurately. I realize that I'm getting older a lot sooner than I'm getting younger and I'm really settling into who I am as a man. Even though I'll be the first person to admit I still carry several childish tendencies that doesn't make me anything short of a man. So I will not allow anyone to address me as anything but that. I feel I do a pretty good job of respecting people even though we all have our moments. I give people the utmost respect until I'm given a reason not to follow through with that action. I've never been a big believer in the whole horoscope/astrology thing but I have the biggest Gemini trait ever. I'm not two-faced like most people think of Geminis but I do have two very different sides. As time goes on, I kind of wish I had a time machine and see where my life will be in 5 years. There are some things going in my life and around me that I'd like some insite on. I know that I'm definitely the most shy/cocky person anyone may ever come across. That goes into my Gemini traits again. I have the utmost confidence when approaching most situations but at the same time I have a very deep dislike of rejection. I'm not going to say I fear rejection because I fear nothing short of God and being shot but you get my point. I know looking at myself in the mirror that I am nothing like what my appearance may lead people to believe about me. So I just end this by saying, never judge a book by it's cover. Read a couple of pages before you decide to make an judgement about it.

I'm tryna.......

Currently listening to: Jadakiss feat. Neyo " Right By My Side "

       I remember hearing someone tell me when I was younger that if you tell yourself something enough then you will begin to believe it. I've come to realize that only works if you want to believe the lie(s) you are telling yourself. There are times when this philosophy has worked for me in helping to forget certain emotionally stressing moments. Now I suppose that I have to just take the first step forward or  just keep telling myself the same lie. The former is step into the direction of me not being so stubborn and just move in the direction I want to go in. While the latter, is me just deciding to beat a dead horse. I know I will never believe this one lie I've been telling myself for quite some time. When did shit get so fuckin' complicated!?!? I need to just go back to when I just didn't give a fuck about how my life ended up as along I was still alive.